Wednesday, February 27, 2013

On Personal Growth and Getting What We Think We Deserve

Hello readers! Thanks for stopping by the blog today.  First, a little mood music for today's blog entry, Cleva by Erykah Badu :

"I'm alright with me." ~ E. Badu

Last week was a roller coaster ride. I thought I was headed down a particular path that ended in a way that I just hadn't anticipated.  It's one thing to be told you've missed the mark.  It's another to be told you're one of the best, but you're still not getting a shot.  Sigh. . .

Saddled with disappointment, I told my friends and family what happened. They rallied around me with love, support, and a few "F&ck 'ems!" One theme that was among the consoling was "You're totally good enough." While I appreciated the kind words, I realized  that I never felt that I wasn't, hence the theme song for today's posting. One time for self-growth!  Inadequacy would have haunted me to no end a few years ago.  Today though, I'm alright with me, just like Erykah.

Here's the bottom line: For whatever reason, what I desired last week isn't my destiny.  While I'm uncertain of the future, and I battle bouts of fear almost daily, I know deep in my gut that I'm good enough.  I'd bet on me and my strengths any day. I'm alright with me.

When I first got the disappointing news, I wanted to pout and get a little pompous and talk about all of the things that I believe I deserve.  I believe we are entitled to many good things in this life, but not necessarily the ones that my ego was trying to feed me.

I deserve to be fulfilled, but that doesn't mean I always land the job I want.

I deserve to be happy, but my career is only a PART of that happiness.

I deserve to be loved, but not everybody has to love my ideas.

I just told one of my best girlfriends today that I feel like my life is a deck of cards that are all thrown in the air right now, but y'all just hold on, ok?  Hold on for when those cards fall. Here's the thing, I don't even know how they're going to fall, but however they land, I'm game. God says I'm equipped.  This isn't my first time at a crossroad. I can handle it. I'm alright with me.

Y'all g'on and have a good day (I just said that in my best southern twang.).  Feel free to share some of your personal growth stories and how you've dealt with tough times if you're so inclined.

Until next time. . . be alright with YOU!


  1. So I have been away from social media for awhile and I just stumbled upon your blog. I love it. So nicely written. I have been dealing with my own disappointments. I know what you mean about cards being up in the air. But when you've done your best you can't do any better. I tell myself that daily. Hang in there Toya. Love you. Shanika

  2. Thanks, Shanika! I always wonder if anyone is reading, and if so, who's giving my little blog a read. This is a space for me to clear my head. I wish I had started sooner. Thanks for the love and the encouragement. I love you, too! I just told one of my other friends that trouble won't last always. I really, really believe that.