Thursday, December 4, 2014

38

Me at about 2 years old #nofilter

38 is an even number. Its only divisors are 2 and 19.
and
It's the birthday year I'm celebrating today!!! 

Last year, I believed 37 would be a year of greatness, and it delivered! It was odd and prime, just as it was supposed to be. Here's a little of what I had to say last year:
Y'all, 37 is about to be a big one. I'm bout to get it! Don't know what exactly "it" is yet, but I'm on a mission to find out. I believe God is about to get loose all over my life. I mean, look at 36. He loves to show out! I'm about to make my inner-10-year-old proud as I grow in fearlessness.
Well, I hope I did her proud.  I tried. The big highlight of 37: I HAD A BABY, Y'ALL!  Yup, a whole little person.  I'm still in awe. Birthing Little Miss TJ took all the courage I had. I'm afraid of hospitals, needles, hard drugs, etc... So let's just say the emergency C-section didn't help.  My doctor called me a "splash & dash" patient, which means she made the split-second decision to operate (more on that in a later post). While I lamented for quite awhile about not having the labor and delivery I'd planned, I have to say there's something rewarding about coming out on the other side and having a story to tell. I survived, and Little Miss TJ is thriving.


In last year's birthday post, I discussed how I wanted to work on being fearless.  I believe I did just that.  There was something empowering about carrying and birthing a baby.  While lying in the hospital feeling incredibly vulnerable, I simultaneously felt really strong.  All throughout the pregnancy I remembered that I had another set of ears listening, so I tried to be sure that I stood up for myself to teach her (even while in-vitro) that we have to stand in what we believe.  Whether fighting for some semblance of maternity leave or reminding a student to be respectful, I felt a sense of fearlessness that I hadn't felt in a long time. Not to mention that pregnancy did a number on my brain to mouth filter, so I found myself releasing and expressing a little more than usual.  It felt good, and I don't plan to give it up any time soon.  

I spoke a big year 37 into existence. God showed out, just as he always does, but I won't say that it didn't come with some bumps and bruises.  Motherhood has increased my selflessness, which means that there have been many sleepless nights, unwritten journal articles, forgotten appointments, and extensions for meetings and assignments. 

So since 37 was an odd, prime year, here's to 38 being an even one. A year of recalibration and renewal. A year of trying to find some semblance of balance. A year of teaching Little Miss TJ that while she and her daddy are my greatest gifts, I also have to take some time for self-care if I'm going to be my best for them. A year of reclaiming my health and fitting back into my get 'em girl jeans.  A year of pursuing my research which I LOVE. A year of getting to the money finding grants to fuel my passions. 

May I be fearless enough to place the metaphorical mask over my own mouth before I breathe life into everyone else's endeavors.

Yep, 38 is even, and I like it! 

Until next time . . . I'll be over here having a date day with the hubby while rocking out to my birthday song. 


 


2 comments:

  1. Lovely blog post. Congratulations on your baby! I hope her well. God has his own ways of giving us numerous blessings , we can never be thankful enough. Babies are the most precious little human beings. Goodluck on being a mom :)

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  2. Yes motherhood is the most beautiful feeling in the world. Specially for your first baby. By the way you used to look so cute in your childhood.

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