Friday, April 26, 2013

At the Same D*mn Time: Excited and Petrified

A little mood music, Strength, Courage, and Wisdom by India Arie. Take the lyrics in and meditate on them:
"Gotta step out on faith. Its time to show my face. It's been elusive for so long. Freedom is mine today. . . . I found strength, courage, and wisdom - it's been inside of me all along." 
~ India betta TEACH!!!  

Happy Friday, good people!

If you recall last week, I was feeling on top of the world. I received some awesome news. News even greater than I had anticipated. As I typed about my good news with elation, I failed to admit the fear that was lingering not too far in the distant.

In a nutshell: Reaching my goals feels exhilarating and extremely scary at the same time. Below is an excerpt of my internal dialogue over the last week:

Exhilaration: I did it!!
Fear: How did I do it?
Exhilaration: I'm on my way!
Fear: Do I really deserve it?
Exhilaration: It's time to take this thing by the horns and close the deal!
Fear: Do they think I'm being overbearing because I'm negotiating?

I was sharing with a friend that it's thrilling and overwhelming to be face-to-face with my dreams. To say you want to do something, and then have that something staring you in the face . . . whew! I'm humbled, overwhelmed, ready to take the world by storm, and scared sh!tless.

Thank God for friends like Dr. K  and Dr. Jill who reminded me that excitement and nervousness often feel similar and to advocate for myself with humbleness and boldness. Thank God for mentors who've coached me through all of the academic lingo and leveled with me about asking for more than what was offered. Thank God for a husband that believes I can move mountains. Knowing he's supportive of whatever I want to do makes life so much easier. Thank God for me, because even in the midst of  all of this self doubt, I continue to coach and encourage myself.

Until next time . . . I'll be over here working on some positive self talk.