Friday, March 22, 2013

It's Complicated: On Friendship and Forgiveness

Happy Friday people!

First a little mood music, Friends by Whodini:

Complicated is exactly how I would describe one of my friendships . . . VERY complicated.  After a year-long hiatus from friendship, a girlfriend and I had a much needed pow-wow about our friendship. There was laughter and tears and yelling and smiling. So much has happened in this last year, that before we could even have our pow-wow, we had to catch up and have some laughs. After about 2 hours of conversation, we were able to say our peace, bury some hatches, and extend olive branches.  We ended our conversation with love and forgiveness in our hearts but uncertainty about what lies ahead for our friendship.

After getting off of the phone, I realized that while we want all friendships to be perfect and drama-free, maybe that's not what all of our friendships are meant to be.  Honestly, I grew from our falling out, and she agreed that she did as well.  If we can take the good with the bad in our romantic relationships, shouldn't we be able to weather the storms with the friends in our lives?  I'm not saying every one deserves a pass, and some people need to be dismissed, but shouldn't friends be able to recover some of the time?

I'll admit that my female friendships are relatively drama-free, so I'm treading new territory.  I'm in the process of learning how to reconcile and possibly recover a relationship that isn't a romantic one.  Believe it or not, friendships with other women are vital to marriage.  My girlfriends keep me honest.  They remind me to give my husband a break sometimes.  They understand my struggles in ways that my husband can't and that I don't expect him to.  When I meet women who say they don't have girlfriends and can't get along with other women, I give them the side eye.  They seem less trustworthy.  I couldn't fathom living this life without sister-friends.

Now I'm not sure if my girlfriend and I will ever be the same as we were a few years ago.  Honestly, if how we were a few years ago caused us to fall out the way that we did, I don't want to be that way again.  Maybe we've tackled the complicated portion of our friendship, and now we can be in a better place.   Maybe we were just meant to make amends and move forward with our respective lives.  Time will tell.  In the meantime, however, I am glad that we were able to get a couple years' worth of hurt off of our chests.  At least now we can start with a clean slate no matter what turn our friendship takes.  Forgiveness is freeing.

Until next time . . . make amends and forgive! It's freeing


  1. Well put Toya, sometimes just burying the hatchet is all that's needed. I have a very similar situation with and old friend and we talked about it via telephone convo, but was never able to come face-to-face for actual closure on the matter. I no longer stay up late worrying though. I've already forgiven her even if she hasn't forgiven me.

    1. You are so right. The hatchet was buried, and this particular friendship taught me that sometimes you just have to move on. We've said our apologies and gone on with our respective live. Forgiveness doesn't always mean reconciliation. I love her, and I'll always remember our good times.